机器人嘎抓的冷笑话。

英文扒自油管视频，有些中翻是游戏汉化字幕原文。

为什么要做这个笑话合集呢？因为嘎抓又萌又逗啊！

What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempt murder.
如何称呼树枝上的两只乌鸦？谋杀未遂。

（murder意为“谋杀”或“一群乌鸦”，attempt murder也可以翻译作“成群未遂”，因为无三不成群）
There is a band called 1023 megabytes. They haven't any gigs yet. Hahaha!
从前有个乐队叫1023MB。他们还没开过一次演唱会呢！

（GB=gigabytes简称gig，1023MB不满1GB，而gig又译作演出）
A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks if it has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."
一个光子在旅馆登记入住，行李工问它有没有行李需要搬运。光子回答说，“不，我轻装旅行（以光速传播）。”
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

……

AH! Get it?
如何让一个白痴空等半天？……懂了吗？
A mayan asks his friend if he would like to grab a drink. His friend says, "Well, I'm supposed to finish the calendar, but I guess if I don't it's not the end of the world." Haha!
一个玛雅人问他的哥们要不要去喝杯酒。他哥们说：“我日历还没修完呢，不过就算我摸个鱼也不会世界毁灭啦。”
Chemically speaking, alcohol IS a solution.
从化学角度来讲，酒精的确是种溶液（借酒消愁可以解决问题）。
A communist, a spy, and a Chinese man walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
一个gc主义者、一个间谍、一个中国人走进了一间酒吧。然后他点了一杯酒。（意思是只有一个人）

游戏字幕原文：有只狗千辛万苦爬到山顶。然后它上气不接下气地说：“我累得像条狗。”
因为嘎抓是纯种米国机器人而辐射背景是中美战争，所以嘎抓自带反g属性……涉及的笑话都被汉化组和谐了字幕。真当玩家听不懂……
How do you kill a circus clown? Go for the juggler.
如何杀死一个马戏团小丑？去找杂耍人。

（juggler音似jugular，找杂耍人≈攻击要害）
I've decided to sell the vacuum. It's just collecting dust.
我打算把吸尘器卖了。它只会吸尘（它只会放着吃灰）！
How about a pizza joke? Nevermind, it' just too cheesy.
讲一个披萨笑话怎么样？算了，这太多奶酪了（太蹩脚了）。
A man once told me to always leave them wanting more. Unfortunatelly he was working at the rationing station.
曾经有个人告诉我，要永远让别人欲求不满。不幸的是，他在物资配给站工作。
What did the commies light their house with before they used candles? Electricity.
gcd们用上蜡烛之前是怎么照亮他们的房子的？当然是用电力啦。

（意思是技术倒退，被米帝打得一仗回到解放前……）

中文字幕未知，但是应该也被和谐了。
Charles DIckens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender turns to him and asks, "Olive or twist?" Hahaha!
查尔斯·狄更斯走进一间酒吧然后点了一杯马丁尼。酒保问他：“放橄榄还是柠檬皮？”

（Olive Twist译名雾都孤儿）
The bartender says, "We don't serve faster than light particles in here." A tachyon walks into the bar.
酒保说：“我们这不招待超光速粒子。”一个快子走进了酒吧。

（这个物理笑话的点很难get到……快子是一种理论上能超光速运动的粒子，而超越光速会使时间倒流，也就是这笑话是反过来讲的原因）
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
两条鱼游进了一堵混凝土墙。一条对另一条说：“见鬼！”

（dam音同damn，dam意为水坝）
Why did the weatherman bring a bar of soap to work? He was predicting showers.
为什么天气预报员带了一条肥皂去上班？因为他预报今日有阵雨（因为他想洗澡）。
A Neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender responds, "For you, no charge!"Haha.
一个中子走进一间酒吧，问道：“一杯酒多少钱？”酒保回答说，“你的话免费（你不带电荷）！”
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
一个盲人撞进一间酒吧。然后是桌子。然后是椅子。

（walk into有走进和撞上两个意思）
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
过去，现在，将来走进了一间酒吧。这是时态（气氛变得紧张起来）。
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors in here." So E-flat leaves, while C and G have a fifth between them.
C，降E和G走进一间酒吧。酒保说：“对不起，我们这不招待小调（未成年）客人。”然后降E走了，于是C和G之间隔了一个纯五度。

（不会音乐相关。不知道是不是这样翻译，有错请斧正）
Relationships are a lot like algebra. You always look at your X and try to figure out Y.
感情关系就像代数学一样。你总是看着X，然后试图解出Y（看着前任，试图搞明白为什么分手）。
Arial, Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve your type in here!"Ha~haha.
Arial，Papyrus和Comic Sans走进一间酒吧，酒保说道，“嘿！我们这不招待你们这种人（不支持你们这种字体）。”

（三个名字均为计算机字体。可能有玩过undertale的同学知道，Papyrus和Sans是游戏里面两个角色，对话使用的即为同名字体）
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from radiation poisoning, does that means the fifth guy enjoys it?
如果五人中的四人正在遭受辐射伤害的痛苦……那是不是意味着余下的那人很享受？
I met an atheist who worked for a charity the other day. She said it was non-prophet organization.
我曾经认识一个做慈善事业的无神论者。她说这是非预言性（非营利性）组织。

（prophet和profit同音）
There' no "i" in denial.
“Denial”中没有i字母。

（很难解释……in denial意为否认，大概是双重否定的意思……）
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog. It was a shih tzu.
有一天我去动物园玩，里面唯一的动物是只西施犬。这太狗了。

（shih tzu≈sh#t zoo，暗地里说动物园很糟糕。）